October 19th, 2015: The day I found out I was pregnant with you. At first I didn't want to take the pregnancy test that morning. My best friend said just take it already. I knew I felt different. I knew I was pregnant. So I took it almost immediately it said positive. I was so excited I could cry. I messaged my husband, Scott at work and he seemed excited too.
We made a doctor appointment, and yes we definitely were.
Then we used a chalkboard and made an announcement. Rainee our daughter was about one and a half years old. The day we did the announcement I think Rainee knew you were in my belly. The ground was covered in leaves and the air full of fall smells.
Every doctor visit was once a month, we got to see you on a 2D ultrasound. At first I thought you might be a boy. Late December our doctor thought you were a girl and at that point we thought so too.
January 1st I gave the nurse blood to do a quad screen to check for what I had no idea since I never did this test with my first born Rainee.
It's the end of February now, the date is 2/29/2016. I'm not even sure where my hubby was that day but I remember calling him in tears reading this letter:
I received the final copy of the blood tests that we did in our office called a Quad Screen and it tested positive for slight increase in risk for down syndrome. That doesn't mean that your child has down syndrome but that your statistical risk is higher than average.
And the letter continued with numbers of my odds. I'm in shock, I'm in tears, I don't even know anything about this. I'm scared, I'm feeling overwhelmed and depressed, pretty much any feeling you can think of went through my mind. The main thing I'm thinking is it's all my fault. I don't know how but somehow I have caused this outcome.
I stayed in denial for a while, we went to a 4D ultrasound, how beautiful you were they knew you had hair which caused me heartburn. You looked a lot like Rainee on the ultrasound. You were stunning and we loved every bit of you. The only soft markers that came back for down syndrome were that you had short legs, but I'm short so that didn't tell us much. We denied further testing and told the geneticist we were keeping you no matter what.
Months pass, Rainee has become super clingy to me as you grow in my belly. We have decided your name will be Mazie which means pearl in Scottish.
June 2nd 11:00 a.m. I'm having steady contractions which I have all day and I practice breathing exercises. I knew I was going to meet you soon, I knew you would be so beautiful.
Contractions get to be about 5-7 minutes apart. Now it is almost 10:30 p.m. at night. We head to the local hospital about 20 minutes from our home. I'm going to have you all natural. I have dealt with the pain all day and my almost 2 year old Rainee is screaming every time I try to give her to her dad or my friend. My water breaks on the toilet.
June 3rd at about 1:25 a.m. I was helped back to my hospital bed, the nurse says to hold you in. Nope that ain't happening, you came right out. I don't remember pushing. They put you up on my chest and you have reddish blonde hair that’s really fuzzy and you are so beautiful and in my arms. You were born at 1:29 a.m. June 3rd 2016.
You were 5 pounds and 8.5 ounces, and 18.5 inches long. You were more beautiful than words can express. We love you more than words can say. Your first name Mazie means pearl in Scottish, and your middle name Kyla means beautiful in Irish. The doctor thought you were so beautiful as well and he did mention you had the characteristics of trisomy 21.
July 2nd we found out you did have down syndrome and as scary as it all was you were our beautiful baby and I wouldn't change a thing about you.
To the families and mothers who get a letter like this I want you to know you are not alone. Take it one day at a time and enjoy your pregnancy, it will be worth it.
I do believe there's a reason for everything even if we don't know the reason.
Today is October 3rd, 2016, my baby girl Mazie is 4 months old. She is always smiling at us. I have a month and a half to prepare for her open heart surgery to fix her heart defects. It will be the scariest day of my life.
I found this company online, called The Baby Box Co. My first thought is maybe stuff for a baby in a box. Well I was right in a way, but this company does so much more than that. The box is also to practice safe sleeping for your baby. I always get a lot of bills in the mail which can be super overwhelming. The day I got our owl Baby Box from The Baby Box Co. was an awesome day. There were two onesies in the box, one with two sloths and hearts, and one with a tree. There was a sleep sack and a thermometer. Also coupons and some diapers. There was a hat, socks, and mittens. This box absolutely made my day, it was so wonderful. We absolutely love The Baby Box Co. It is such a wonderful company doing such wonderful things. Thank you so much to The Baby Box Co.